The Construction of an Explorer

My Passion pt.2

This week I was asked to elaborate more on my passion. Last week I explained it as web design with a passion, but this week I think I will move in a different direction.

In high school there are two types of students. The first one is the student who knows what they want, and they know how to get there. They see education, as a means to a goal, and are willing to sacrifice their time to achieve what ever they want to do. The other is the student who has no idea of what they want, but is willing to do what is minimal to finally get out of there.

Well I was the latter, and I came out of school not knowing whom I was or where I wanted to go. I did my stint at community college and just like high school, I had no idea of what I wanted to become. At first it was computer programming, then it was accounting, until I ended up just finishing in general education. At the same time I had two groups of friends. The first were those people in school, and knew what they wanted to do, and the other was just like me except maybe worse because they weren’t even in school.

Fortunately I found myself hanging out with the first group and it kept me in school. At the same time, I still hadn’t decided what I wanted to do and this kept me drifting around the college scene, and I was taking class after obscure class, failing some and passing others. Meanwhile my friends in school were slowly growing and getting internships, and one by one they all started moving away. It’s strange when you’re on the inside, most of us don’t see what is happening and fail to comprehend the situation we are in. It took a long time to happen, but when I finally realized what was going on, almost everyone I cared about had left. They did not just leave the city, but my life as well. I had no idea how to handle what was going on and I found myself not having anyone to talk to. So I kept everything inside and tried to adjust to my new life.

Lets fast-forward to today and things are a bit different. I’m working in the field that I am passionate about, and finally getting the education and the guidance I was so looking for years ago. My need for a social circle has diminished and now I am living my life the way I see fit. I am no longer a spectator watching everyone else live and achieve their goals, but I am a player on the field pushing for the end zone. A lot of my past drives me to live how I am living today. It generates my passion and pushes me to work hard for what I want. I was told before that I “wasn’t good enough” and that has fueled my fire to this day. At times when I start to lose focus, I go back to that moment and relive the pain and anger that I felt, and it fuels the fire raging inside of me. I vowed that no one would ever have the right to say that to me again.

I wont stop till I can finally look in the mirror and be proud of who is staring back at me.